tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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