I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You need a sexual gate keeper
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
