My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
