You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
