dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
