Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
