So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
