So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
