Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
