In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
