you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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