his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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