Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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