I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
