Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
