So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
