how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am one with the molecules
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
