Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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