I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
