I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
