Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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