it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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