Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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