So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
