Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
