i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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