When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
