Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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