giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize