You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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