my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
