And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
