if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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