Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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