i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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