Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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