After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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