I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
