im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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