and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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