I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
