I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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