can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
