hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize