I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
