I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize