i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
