I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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