angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize