he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
