In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
