and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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