Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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