I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
