Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
