They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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