mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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