dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
