omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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