I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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