If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
