happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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